A man with the pseudonym “BluntSpeakingUncle” – roughly “uncle who doesn’t mince his words” – describes a tradition in his family. In the event of a wedding, his three children could choose whether they wanted to have money for a lavish wedding or whether this money would rather flow into the equity for a house and instead they would like to have their wedding a little more modest.
There is an idyllic old house on a lake that belongs to the family. His three children chose the simpler wedding. And that’s why all “three are now homeowners.”
So far so good, the problem is the niece “Sierra”. Because of her, the uncle turned to the community of the well-known Reddit group AITA (“Am I The Asshole”). The niece had recently married. Her mother – her uncle’s sister – had made Sierra the family offer. The young woman chose a great destination wedding in a coastal town.
“My sister admitted to me that she and her husband paid over $35,000 for their wedding at a coastal location. They had to rely on their home for most of that money.”
In the USA, mortgages that work like an overdraft facility are common. Depending on the value of the house, a credit line is granted that customers can use. Apparently this pot was used to finance the wedding. You can tell the uncle doesn’t think the idea of taking on debt for a party is a good idea. But he also knows that he is in a better situation. “My wife and I earn significantly more than my sister and her husband, and we live well within our means.” With $35,000 from her parents alone, Sierra’s wedding is above the US average, if other relatives contributed something, even significantly.
Uncle and wife first financed their children’s education and then made the down payment on their houses. “That drained our savings for a while, but we have since rebuilt a significant amount.”
The joy of the dream wedding didn’t last long. The young couple wanted a house, but Sierra’s parents could no longer help. So the uncle waited for his niece to visit. When he came, the young woman asked him for the deposit and was rudely disappointed. As soon as she began to express her wish, the man said no. Even though the money was there.
The reason lies in the man’s principles: “I have said that I will not belittle my own children’s smart financial decisions by rewarding their stupid decisions.” When Sierra asked what she had done stupidly, he replied: “You were only thinking about the wedding. My children were thinking about their marriage afterwards.”
The whole thing ended in a debacle, the niece left her uncle’s house crying. And he seems to be fully aware that he has done something wrong. Not in his decision, but in the tone. Unfortunately, he admits, he is as “empathetic as a sledgehammer.” Sierra’s parents understand his decision, but also think he should have been less harsh.
The AITA group thinks less subtly, it sticks to the facts. Most users cannot understand how one could come up with the idea that a relative, other than parents, would pay the down payment for a property. It is also recognized what an awkward situation the uncle would have been in if he had helped. Then the niece would be far better off with the “dream wedding plus property” package than her own children.
By their nature, the confessions of the Reddit forums cannot be verified.
