Destination weddings are very popular; instead of at the local registry office, people get married in a great place somewhere in the world. This combines travel and wedding – but the costs skyrocket. A young woman from New York also dreams of a lavish party – on the other side of the world, in New Zealand. However, neither she nor the groom apparently plan to cover the costs. The young couple thinks very traditionally here: the bride’s father should open the wallet. A rough estimate put the figure at $200,000.

The father sought advice on Reddit under the pseudonym u/Solid-Pass 8944. In the well-known “Am I The Asshole” community. Because he didn’t want to pay the money and he was immediately considered an a-hole in the family. His problem is that the money is there, but his father is concerned with the principle. He writes that he considers such a swank wedding to be a shameless display of wealth. On the other hand, he had already agreed to cover the costs of the wedding – not knowing that it would literally take place on the opposite side of the world.

And now not only his daughter was disappointed, but also his wife – both went on strike. This is how they wear him down: “My daughter doesn’t talk to me, neither does my wife. That makes me think: Should I bite the bullet and burn the money to make my daughter’s dream wedding come true – or should I upset my family?”

In Newsweek magazine, Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert from the Protocol School of Texas, weighs in on the case. Gottsman doesn’t accuse the bride’s father of being stingy, but of paternalism. He could not decide where and how the young people should get married. This is a demonstration of power. He should give them the freedom to decide, even if he himself would reject such a wedding. On the other hand, young people are adults who are also responsible for their decisions. Gottsman believes that the problem can be solved by the father giving his blessing for the wedding – but not transferring the money. Or just the part that a marriage at home would cost.

u/Solid-Pass8944 edited the post after a few days and it appears to have capitulated to the female show of power: “If my wife is making such a fuss about it, that’s a battle I’ll fight another time.” But it doesn’t stop at kneeling. The father seems to be a well-rested businessman, and he somewhat cryptically hints at recouping the immoral wedding costs elsewhere: “If you want to play the game, I’ll tell both of them that they can get the money either for the wedding or for their house.” The father’s allowance for buying a house should be reduced accordingly. In doing so, he puts his spoiled daughter in a difficult position.

Sources: Reddit, Newsweek