Why do some women feel bad when they see supposedly flawless women on social media? And why do so many people, mainly read by women, present themselves in the most “perfect” way possible? Why do some women get angry if their partner or date doesn’t text back right away? What exactly triggers such behavior or feelings like anger or envy in such moments? Why do relationship problems keep coming up? And why does the feeling of never being good enough arise?

A lot has to do with a narcissistic self-esteem disorder, explains Bärbel Wardetzki in her book “Female Narcissism: The Hunger for Recognition”. And a lot of things make a lot of sense when you understand them deeply. The author manages to explain connections in such a way that they are understandable, you can relate them to yourself and question yourself. Even people who thought they didn’t need to work on themselves may discover some aspects that can help them in everyday life. And that don’t fit with the typical term “narcissist:in”.

For example, the fact that there are always problems in the relationship and that one cannot stand distance or closeness can be the reason for female narcissism and unsatisfied needs in childhood, the author explains with examples from her therapeutic everyday life. Many readers find themselves in the stories and can track down this mostly problematic behavior – the first step towards improvement and uncovering the true self. Behaviors are often unconscious and therefore difficult to recognize. Wardetzki uncovers everyday situations, compares them with well-known fairy tales and ensures that one’s own unhealthy patterns can be recognized and addressed. Why you feel like the greatest in some moments – but after the slightest criticism you feel sick and as if you were worth nothing.

Wardetzki consciously distinguishes between male and female narcissism, explains why the whole thing can also be found regardless of gender and how the term used differs from a diagnostic term. And I can confirm that both men and women in my circle of acquaintances find themselves in the patterns described and almost everyone has discovered aspects that match their own behavior.

After all, Wardetzki writes very cleverly and emphatically, peppered with helpful examples, goes deep into the analysis and provides helpful approaches. Recognizing, understanding and processing is the motto here, which will certainly help many readers to better understand themselves or their partners in order to break unhealthy behavioral patterns. I think everyone should have read this book in order to recognize the reasons for problematic behavior, how to work on it and how to deal better with the people affected. A helpful, eye-opening book for many people – and therefore really important for the masses.

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