When I talk to women who have a love life outside the norm, it’s often about two challenges. The first is: permission.

I recently had a “digital coffee” with erotica author Lisa Opel. The woman from Hamburg talked about a dinner with her husband, her friend and their two small children. “Are you polyamorous?” I asked. During the digital coffee chat, she then talked about her challenges.

When she met her current girlfriend, there was no feeling of lack or unfulfilled desires with her husband. On the contrary, “her husband is her ‘forever person,'” as she says. That’s why Lisa was unsure at first and asked herself: Am I unfulfilled? Do I have a problem with myself?

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