most of The adults already had established several relationships in your life and Some of them were much more relaxed, happier, and more relaxed than others. But what exactly is the lag? It has little to do with the stronger emotions.
Often a particularly passionate relationship with a fast disappointment just. The secret lies in a good mix of connecting and dividing factors. You will ensure that you do not get along in everyday life without the constant quarrels with each other, but at the same time to be boring and you soon just like a couple of friends feel.
researchers at the University of Jena identified in a long-term study, the factors for permanent happiness in love. Result: Who was already alone to be satisfied, and someone with a similar vision of life, has the best chance of . At the same time, each relationship offers the opportunity to learn more about yourself and expand his skills. About the experts
Attila Albert, author and certified Coach trained at the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) in Los Angeles and Chicago, and offers Workshops around the topic of career and communication. He published now his latest book “I do: How do you separates you and the other makes you suffer”.
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“I don’t do that anymore: How do you separates you and the other makes you suffer” by Attila Albert
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In my Coaching practice, clients tell me often of factors, which have proved to be particularly favorable. The following twelve, which have shown a long-term happy relationship as particularly important.
1. Their values are similar to
For a brief affair, it can be exciting to be with other people, as you yourself are. In the long term, it is better if you share similar values. Thus, in-depth, often intractable conflicts account for deep. About dealing with money, claims of cleanliness, order, and Loyalty to, political or religious Beliefs. Who is there in advance largely in agreement, just need to discuss the Details.
2. Fundamental issues have been resolved
It is very sobering and hurtful, when in the course of a relationship that you have in matters of principle of different views. Especially, with regard to the goals of your relationship. Do you want to move in together, get married, have kids, both work? If you clarify these issues early on and choose a mate who is looking for a similar way of life and style, decreases the risk of later disappointment.
3. You want to have a similar close
Some people want to be together all the time. Others need regular distance and time. There are couples who are together, if, for example, both work to home and it is perfect. Others prefer even after many happy years of separate apartments as a separate retreat. The best long-term chances of a relationship if both want to have a similar proximity.
4. Everyone is happy
A good relationship offers the opportunity to solve problems together, to heal such as previous emotional injuries. At the same time you can’t catch everything. It is important that both partners are already satisfied with yourself and your life. Happy in career, friends and Hobbies. The relationship is a nice addition, but is not overloaded with oversized expectations or Needs.
5. You work as a Team
Many couples quarrel over trifles: he Who washed, who does the shopping, has a picked up more often by the children than the other? They take on each other every hand, you are working against each other. Successful couples are a Team: they share the necessary Work to together to, for example, available time, interest, or practical aspects, so that both may perceive their contribution as fair.
6. Your respect will always remain
Some words, you can never take back, even if they are repented of, and officially excused. Maybe he or she meant it, Yes, but so? A heated conversation is in a happy relationship, no Problem. Successful pairs from each other with respect. You speak sincerely interested and polite to each other. In the case of misunderstandings, you assume that the other has the best of intentions.
7. You educate each other not
There is little Degradation for a Partner, as if he patronized, and taught as a small child. In good relationships, none of them even come on the arrogant idea, to want his Partner to re-educate. Best if you can be a role model. For example, If you think that you could both lose some weight, begin to go in for Sport. The Partner only occasionally to Come with me to invite on a voluntary basis.
8. First of all, you are always a Pair of
children are demanding attention, time, and force. In particular, some mothers are in this Situation, the temptation to want to now be there for them. Successful couples continue to see the two relationship as the core of the family, the children are a wonderful extension. You devote at least after the toddler stage again, the first priority of your Partner. You are as a Couple, happy with each other, that also helps their children.
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9. In everyday life place for romance
It is normal and pleasant, that it is after the Dating Phase a bit more relaxed. But forever only Netflix as an evening entertainment, Belch in front of the Partner, and old T-Shirts as leisure and sleep clothing, destroy any romance. Successful couples will get the romance in everyday life. You make each other compliments, you will continue to be (for example, Cocktails once a week). Kiss and touch sensually, not like friends.
10. Her Humor relaxed a lot
There is no relationship without disagreements – of the education of children up to the choice of holiday destination. At the same time it relaxes every conflict, if both of you have a sense of Humor. About yourself or a Situation can have a laugh. In order to allow each other to change without a loss of face for the opinion or to find compromises. Anyone who has a sense of Humor, shows that Nothing is so serious you could laugh together about it.
11. You are welcome to change
“You have changed you completely” or “You’re different than before our wedding,” are very strange accusations. Of course, everyone is changing through new experiences, and increasing age. Successful couples don’t go out, therefore, in the first place, that will not change the other. But put it as a normal advance and are looking for new projects for it. About: house expansion, changing jobs, new Hobbies, courses.
12. No one forgets himself
It is of course important to be there. Not to forget, but at the same time, their own needs. A good relationship is not a offers both a framework, concentrated unnecessarily. It comes to be able to develop on a personal level, to care about their own interests and activities. This has nothing to do with selfishness within the relationship, but is important in order to remain an interesting, self-determined man.
If these factors sound to an continuous effort, this is a sign that you may not have found the optimal Partner. You will of course not adjust constantly, or self-control. All of this should be quite natural. In a good long-term relationship makes it fun together the right mix of distance and proximity, of “I” and “we” find out. By experimenting together, what impact it has, when one evening per week, separated slightly from each other company.
can be controlled. Who has held his Partner very at a distance, you can try something more close to. Whoever finds the interests of the other incomprehensible, can deal even closer. For example, If your Partner likes to play Computer Games, simply for some time interested. After that, you can still decide to leave it at that. Everyone is encouraged to playfully experiment, as the common life more beautiful and enjoyable. This is the antidote to eternal Nagging to accusations and taunts.
The research encouraged explicitly not immediately abandon. Motto: If it doesn’t run immediately, you probably have the wrong Partner. You give each other time. This begins while Dating: do not Write to someone, not immediately, because the profile photo like, when I first Meet them, the shoes impossible to find, or the conversation at the beginning comes to a standstill. You know man, sitting there in front of you.
My recommendation: chat as short as possible, a maximum of four to six weeks. You move the conversation quickly to real life, you see but then two or three Times. Instead of a Bar or cafe, it is often interesting to go together, for example, an exhibition or an event. So early on, what binds them – except for the relationship of desire – everything, and you already have a first interesting topic of conversation.
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