men often find themselves in a strange Situation. On the one hand, they should contribute more in relationships, more active and more open. If you do it, but then, it is often not properly. Because their partners would have done differently. They should help more in the household and take care of the children. But at the same time, if possible, continue to make a career and a respectable income.
“of Course I love my wife and our children, but it can’t be, that it is always up to me to govern the financial side,” complained a client. Although it is repeatedly said of equal partners. But in the end, a lot of men have the impression that they are still the main perpetrators and still more to do.
Many people would like to spend more time with the kids, listening to then, but often of their partner to the accusation, only the pleasant sides (for example, the Play) to pick out.
Recently you don’t found here are five recommendations for women to invest in a relationship one-sided . Today, there are five basic rules for men. They will help you find your own perspective in the relationship to bring. You are not a woman and will therefore see things differently and tackle, than it would do to your partner. But that is exactly your contribution is as a man: they Supplement and enrich the relationship. About the experts
Attila Albert, author and certified Coach trained at the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) in Los Angeles and Chicago, and offers Workshops around the topic of career and communication. He published now his latest book “I do: How do you separates you and the other makes you suffer”.
book recommendation (display)
“I don’t do that anymore: How do you separates you and the other makes you suffer” by Attila Albert
To the book at Amazon
1. They are not fleeing clashes
“honey, we need to talk!” Hardly a set of men faster drive to the office, in the Garage or in the hobby cellar: “Love to, but I’ve got work to do!” The fear that an unpleasant conversation might appear awakens in many the desire for Overtime or any activity outside of the apartment. “The main thing is, I have my peace!”
This escape tactic works in the short term. On permanent things like a floating always. Therefore, you have the courage to existing problems, or wishes to address – in spite of the concern, convicted, or by accusations, tears or a fit of anger punished. This courage is necessary if you want to maintain the relationship and continue to develop.
Some couples prefer structured formats. For example, a monthly conversation with 20 minutes of speaking time for both, so the “quieter” Partner is just as long as it is in the other. Others choose a casual approach to second about an exchange for a spontaneous dinner. Important: Talk to each other. With a Smartphone in the Corona-crisis: how to protect your children on the Internet!
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2. Talk to your partner eye-to-eye
It is nowadays difficult to say someone that he had no “partnership” relationship. In practice, the many men, however, is not so easy. Some feel, however, as “head of household”. Others say in critical situations, the better, not as a sexist bully to expresses his wife.
The truth lies in the middle. Your partner is not a fragile girl, you have to protect her from the world. But no Übermutter, you need to constantly ask for permission and you may speak not resist. Talk to your partner eye-to-eye. So, as you also mentioned want to be.
to share The means to build, even with difficult questions on the advice and experience of their partner and responsibility. Example: Discuss financial questions together, if you have you solved so far, mostly alone. Together they go through the documents. Your partner can be a smart, helpful consultant.
3. You’re asking for, to do things in their own way
In the corona of a crisis it was a popular complaint that men care less to the household and the children. This may not apply in some relationships, in others at all. But what stands: Many women could hardly live with the consequence, that your Partner would implement the things that is also different than themselves.
she would perhaps tinkering with the children at home. He would take them into the city Park, climbing a tree or in the mud to play. Would you cook a healthy meal. He would take them possibly to McDonald’s. She prefers the educationally valuable wooden toys, he Action-toys or video games.
As a man, you should check first of all whether you actually make less: a week in an Excel spreadsheet to log who copied what. Then, when re-distributed, a request you have the right to do their tasks in their own way. You are not a woman and do things differently, but no less bad.
4. Say what you really
busy trying to a Lot of men to solve their problems and difficulties with self-evident and alone. You want to be in front of your partner no shame in embarrassing or uncomfortable conversations involved. So you can’t hide it, but then then also. Frustration, cynicism, or suppressed anger registered with her partner anyway.
With this behavior you force the rates to the puzzle. At the same time you are making it difficult for themselves with it. Example: would you in future like to work part-time to a side business. But you assume that your wife did not want to work full time again. You say nothing, but are frustrated, because, again, everything depends on you.
Speak openly what’s on your mind. That means: Endless monologues, which ran today again in the Job incorrectly – that bores and annoys everyone. Be honest, and say what’s really bothering you. You have the feeling that you are constantly responsible for everything? A word of recognition is missing? What do you want? FOCUS Online provides you with the most exciting Reports from the parents. Here you can subscribe to the Newsletter.
5. You can’t completely monopolize
some time Ago I visited a friend who just had a difficult period with his girlfriend. At the end of the Evening he insisted on driving me to the bus stop, which was within a ten minute walk. I wondered about that. But in the car he said to me: “I just had to get out of home, I have no quarter of an hour for me!”
Many men see themselves as largely externally determined. During the day, from the boss and the company. Home of the partner and the children. In between, the professional transport, shopping and other errands is. The short evening will be able to ride to the gas station to rest, at Least once, in quiet reflection, or even not talk.
do not Let yourself be completely taken in. You will find with your partner for a solution that allows you to have a life of its own. A good method: Everyone gets one evening a week free for your own activities (for example meeting friends, sports), and the other takes the kids. She relaxed both of you, and keeps you interesting to your relationship.
conclusion
Each of the five basic rules will help you to be authentic and self-determined act. In many ways they are complementary to your partner, and this is not a defect but an asset. You need to play no role or your wife to imitate, but can contribute with their own kind and view. A good partner will not only appreciate, but also the value in it for themselves and their family.
you Can not be in endless discussions, pulling, or emotional blackmail. You stay calm and focused, and tackle the things that need to be done. Create spaces at the same time: free time for yourself and decisions you make.
A partner that would re-educate constantly, or as an additional child treated, does not suit you, or to any other sovereign man.
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