This text first appeared here at brigitte.de.
Having children is nice – and very exhausting. But there are other people who have strenuous jobs or a lot on their plate and still make it through to the end of the 8:15 p.m. film, while we were happily dozing off after just ten minutes. If we even make it to the couch and don’t wake up completely disoriented in the crib two hours later. Shit, unfortunately the mountain of laundry that we actually wanted to take care of during the evening TV program has to be postponed until tomorrow. Not that we have time for that, but it has to work somehow. And we’re already at point one, why we mothers are always tired.
What I couldn’t get today will really annoy me tomorrow. Or something like that. Moms have long to-do lists. Days when there is nothing to do are rare, very rare to non-existent. Unforeseen things don’t make it any better, because they only shake up our schedule even more. This in turn means that we either have to try even harder to get everything under one roof, or postpone things to the next day, which usually doesn’t have that many gaps in order to get something done quickly. A vicious circle. Even if you can delegate things. Because it’s not just getting things done, but above all “thinking about everything”. Managing appointments, household, job and leisure time for a family is just incredibly exhausting and it is therefore no wonder that we are already completely crumpled in the afternoon and prefer to have our peace and quiet.
Especially mothers with small children know this: no matter when, no matter where, no matter how, we are always on the go, always on alert, subconsciously scan our surroundings for possible sources of danger, have amazing reflexes when it matters and our attention is always in the child, even while sleeping. After all, everyday things such as all-purpose cleaners or odds and ends lying around quickly become really dangerous objects. So we are in permanent protection mode. The good thing: It gets a little easier when the kids are older, don’t put everything in their mouths and have learned that a red traffic light means “stop”.
On the way from the kitchen to the children’s room, quickly put away one to eight things, while waiting in line for the pediatrician and at the same time not letting lunch burn on the stove while the laundry is doing its rounds in the machine. In the last year, home office and homeschooling on top. No wonder we burned out. Multitasking sucks incredible energy. Especially when the mental load mountain grows and grows while you are trying to finish a thought and the child is standing next to you for the tenth time in three minutes to start with a “Mamaaaa?” to express a need. In the best case, we can still remember who we wanted to send an email to.
Just take a short break? Close your eyes for half an hour and neither hear nor see? Haha, funny. There are only breaks again when the children are older. With Me-Time it often looks difficult for parents beforehand. A real tour de force, especially for single parents. If there is no partner who can take on tasks, only a strong network can help, but you also have to have that first. It sounds exhausting, and it is. No wonder that we sometimes just sit on the kitchen chair at eight in the evening and stare in front of us exhausted – simply because we don’t seem to have any strength left at the moment. Oh yes, and sleeping at night is not always possible with small children either. In any case, every mother knows that sleep deprivation is, in fact, torture. Hell!
Ever since I became a mother, I have always felt valued and evaluated. Whether I do it right, what my children eat, how many toys they get and how often they are allowed to watch TV. A lot of people have a lot of opinions about when and how to be a good mother, like other mothers who think they can do everything better. Sweep your own door and save your energy! In general, evaluating others is so exhausting. Why don’t we look kindly on each other? The constant competition is just annoying and very, very tiring.
