The incomprehension of the Relatives
We, my husband (30) and I (31), have a wonderful small Autonomous dwarf. So my husband called our daughter, since she is a month old. In the meantime, our “moth” is 20 months old, and it is as ever with you. Our daughter came exactly on the calculated day on the world. She was “finished”, without the cheese goo, and Baby fat, and her face was kind of a grown-up.
This is a book excerpt from “Your self-determined child – support for parents whose children aspire to soon after autonomy”, the last book of the renowned family therapist Jesper Juul, who died in 2019.
From the very first day you had your own will, and hates nothing more than confined conditions. In parlor sleeping cars – no Chance! She screamed until she was blue. So we bought a large bed for infants and their world was back in order. So the delivery with your stroller. I put them on, struggling with arms and legs against the walls. So we bought the most wide stroller, it was, and she loved to lie in it for hours. Slept she has but never.
Our relationship has always made fun of us and us as young parents without a backbone is called. We had to listen to it so often that we spoil our child too much. We see the happiness is different. With a month, no Baby is capable of, his parents take advantage of. Exciting, but just no time?
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she knew always what she wanted, and we have supported them in the process. You just want to make everything alone and on your way. In its development, it is very far and in all that she does, scary for sure. She talks all day and can designate what they want to do. It determines what you attract and want to eat, even if it is sometimes pretty funny and totally inappropriate.
not Everything happens in her a love of art. she screams or rages never will. I gave her their “place” and you are so loved, as is. One of her first sentences was: “do it Yourself!” And I also leave you all even try. You don’t get something, she says, “Help!”. I make the yogurt, not eating it. I don’t take it the wrong sweater out of the closet, put them on him, but says: “mommy get dressed!” I could name many examples, but this leads too far.
We can count ourselves very lucky with our daughter. She is social and easy to care for, if you let them. I think that it would be different if we would stand against their will. Please don’t get me wrong. You shouldn’t do what she wants, and she is really well behaved. I don’t know how I should Express myself better. Perhaps we are mistaken and our “moth” is just developed for her age.
you greet the happy parents
Kösel Verlag
title: “Your self – determined child-support for parents whose children aspire to early to autonomy”
author: Jesper Juul, publisher: Kösel Verlag, : 20 €
The book by Jesper Juul order here at Amazon (display)
reply from Jesper Juul
I would like to thank you for your beautiful story and am glad that you go to this old parents consensus “children have to adapt” on the glue. the There are still many parents who do not believe, if children find their own ways, would be something to do with your education in order.
This assumption exerts on young parents a tremendous amount of pressure, and it is wonderful to read that you are exposed to this pressure. Self-determined kids like your daughter can’t manipulate. You are completely in, but this also, of course, from time to time, lonely. This is the price for their autonomy. More on the topic of education
For your daughter, it is beautiful, your parents can claim against the many Resistances from the relationship.
you write that your daughter is not allowed to make despite all the attention, what she wants. It seems to me, as they have long understood that you don’t need to talk to your self-determined child with a 2-Year-old, but more like a 30-Year-old.
you can say, for example, the following: “I want you to do this. You can do it whenever you want, but I want you to do it.“ And then you should walk away and break contact, no further pressure on the child.
Because even certain children against manipulation of any kind of allergic. You must bring them to very clear the own sake and then break contact so you can let the above sink in. Most of the Autonomous children cope very well in Kindergarten.
However, the intention is full of sweet-talk to the educators you are not able to stand now. Your daughter is not a “square-practical-child”, but she is very intelligent, so you will have to probably result in the school not the war.
you might also be interested in: 4 strategies that will make your kids smart
your daughter has a strong will and wants to show what she can do all by yourself. Nine out of ten teachers would probably play with the thought to set your limits. But that would be a bad idea. Your “moth” in need of no boundaries.
you need to rather, the feedback of an adult: I’m just learning how I have behaved with you so that you’re okay. If this message arrives to you, you no longer need to use as much energy to enforce their will.
your daughter a clear personal response and then need a break. Otherwise, they lose their Dignity, and for their Dignity and integrity, she has a very sensitive Sensor. It does not seek to take Power – you just want to decide for themselves about the time when you are doing something. After Edeka and net: Lidl designers now selling masks of Van Laack PCP To Edeka and Netto Lidl now sells Designer masks by Van Laack
