Before everything concentrated on the trio of title contenders, Cosimo had a wonderful performance. “These are my last words,” he said in farewell and punched himself in the crook of his arm with a big gesture. “Fuck you all!” Loud laughter, a moment of clarity, of beautiful truth. One would have preferred to let him move in again straight away.
But nothing there, at Jolina’s side we went back to freedom via jeep. With the wind blowing through their thinning hair, the brawlers even reconciled, the rest was a dream of lasagne and pecorino. How Cosimo ate pasta with four hands and had an orgasm while only scurrying out “I Love You, Baby” for his sweetheart, that too was mercilessly good.
In the camp, however, you had to get around without him for the last 24 hours, or as Lucas put it: “From now on everyone fights for themselves!” One of the few pointed sentences by the man who – it just has to be said here again and in strong capital letters – WANTED TO BRING THE CROWN BACK TO THE CORDALIS FAMILY. Father Cordalis, however, already knew it in the last millennium: “The sweet grapes hang high”, in this case too high for his son.
Cordalis junior can hardly be accused of a lack of commitment in the final jungle test, even if he was able to complete it like others sometimes did the entire camp, namely lying down. In the long legendary glass coffin he had to deal with Murwillumbah’s entire cockroach population, millions of maggots and a few cute rodents, commonly known as rats, who were supposed to prevent him from turning stars off the pole with his tongue. Working in the supine position seemed to suit Lucas, that’s how four stars came together.
A result that Djamila could only dream of before, she got two attempts to endure the aquarium helmet with snorkel and mask. A hopeless undertaking, on the one hand she started gasping quickly, on the other hand it looked bad from an anatomical point of view in terms of snorkel. “I have so much dead material in my lips,” her annoyed comment.
Gigi also got dead material on and over the lips, and plenty of it. We remember his first classic, “You’re losing when you’re puking” – in the face of sea cucumber and beachworm, fish mucus and uterus – “What’s a uterus???!” – it must have tickled ugly on the screens in the larynx area at home. The goat’s head is particularly picturesque, and Gigi had to prick its eyes out in order to swallow them. It doesn’t get much more painterly in a video by a Norwegian black metal band. Then a batida de vomit.
So a few stars had come together, and the last supper turned out to be correspondingly epicurean. Gigi and Lucas even exchanged a little food, but they didn’t want to accept the dessert sharing as a token of love. The fronts between the two as gristly as a goat’s anus, that shouldn’t change in these last few hours. Djamila took it royally calm: “It’s always nice with two men at the table!”
The morning after was finally coronation time, the end of the one day extended, and thus most extensive jungle camp ever, ever, EVER approached. Lucas was the first to leave the camp, which should have caused a sigh of relief in many places. The fact that Cordalis was there for so long had caused some rumblings on social media, with call centers and purchased calls even being mentioned. At the beginning, Sonja Zietlow commented ironically: “A warm Namasté to our Indian friends on mobile devices.”
Gigi and Djamila hardly needed such tricks anyway, the two moved closer together even in view of the all-important announcement. “Can I adopt you?” Mother Djamila asked little Gigi. “Pocket money is included?” His snappy return. Shortly thereafter, he got it, so it was clear what had become apparent over days, yes, weeks: Djamila Rowe is the jungle queen 2023.
The newly-crowned became nauseous from all the fresh fame, not a handkerchief anywhere, but already practical thoughts about what to do with the 100,000 euro prize money, at least in part: finally buy a new printer. That’s how down-to-earth works! Immediately afterwards, some interventions are likely to be pending. “My forehead is moving again,” Djamila had reported shortly before. “I need botox, I look like the living death.” Before that, however, the protocol provides for a number of representative duties.
“Thank you for the nice, exhausting time,” said the newly crowned queen once again to the people, and we also sign the sentence on the other side of the screen. Thank you and see you next year. That means, wait a minute, in the evening there is still the big reunion in the tree house, as expected, things should get busy again. So, prepare the spaghetti bolo and enjoy.
