Gigantic sleeping castles, up to four meters in width and often fitted with everything to give the pillow departments of the furniture stores: The family bed currently many channels on Social Media. The model is not new, but it is polarized. Countless parents, bloggers show on Instagram of their self-built XXL-beds, the of the Mainstream furniture trade offers at the moment; they swear by the positive influence of the common bed on the development of their children. Alone under the Hashtag #family bed 33.000 Posts on Instagram.
However, from developing a psychological point of view speaks nothing for the 1-bed-for-all solution, says psychologist and family therapist, Christian Lüdke. “For children, it is neither good nor bad, to sleep with their parents in bed. Long-term studies show that this has no influence on their development.“ Exciting, but just no time?
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psychologist calls the supposed benefits of “emotionally comprehensible guesses”
The benefits of the family bed proponents cite, however, are numerous and sound understandable and desirable. So Sleeping in one place since human memory is normal, many say. So why, what did our ancestors earlier should intuitively be wrong today?
Furthermore, it is often mothers and children sleeping in each other’s range better, and the family bed affects a positive effect on the intelligence of the offspring. With a Smartphone in the Corona-crisis: how to protect your children on the Internet!
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Background: children according to research, in the family bed, usually more often and longer breastfed than children that sleep early in her own bed. Ergo: Who is the family bed-living model, does the intelligence of his child’s Good. “I always say, take the kids to bed, saving you a behind the tutoring. Because children are frequent and long breast-fed, according to the current study location up to ten points higher IQ“ says about parenting coach and best-selling author Nicola Schmidt.
psychologist Christian Lüdke’s called in an interview with FOCUS Online “emotionally understandable suspicions” that, however, is not the mapping, which showed serious studies on the Basis of measurable data. The development of Intelligence on splittere accordingly, in various fields, such as motion intelligence, logical-mathematical intelligence, verbal-linguistic or musical intelligence. And better educated none of these skills through prolonged breast-feeding, or even Sleeping with mom or dad in bed would be trained.
“have, in fact, children learn to develop problem-solving strategies, and targeted to be promoted,” says Lüdke. “Breast-feeding months contributes only in the first three. Thereafter, no further evidence it brings with it positive effects, which would need to be longer Silent speak.“ FOCUS Online provides you with the most exciting Reports from the parents. Here you can subscribe to the Newsletter.
Constantly someone turns, moves, makes noise
Also, the Argument that parents slept with the young in the immediate vicinity better, keeps the family therapist is incorrect. On the contrary: “In the family bed four, five people to sleep, usually in a confined space next to each other. That means: Constantly someone turns, moves, makes noise. The quality of sleep is not conducive.“
For just as little convincing Lüdke keeps the “natural ichkeits-factor” that many Instagrammers emphasize that: “In past centuries we had to sleep in groups, in order to secure our Survival. Later, it often gave the financial and spatial relationships, that everyone sleeps in his own bed,“ he explains. “But that is not today in most of the cases, and thus, the family bed, it moves the necessary process that the child learns to sleep alone in his bed, unnecessarily to the rear, instead of solving it.” More on the topic of education
children should eventually learn to trust – to that you can evening make the eyes and mom and dad will be on the next Morning, still there, so Lüdke. “This is often a difficult process. But the longer I delay it, the harder it is in General; I’ve slept on for years between my parents, this is of course an extremely homely and subjective to a maximum of a safer place I give up reluctantly.“
at the Latest, if children are to do during the day, at least for a limited time without parents, so they come in kindergarten or the Kindergarten, you should sleep with the family therapist, according to therefore in your own bed.
The parents ‘ bed is not intended for the restricted area
times are Common Cuddly, not to Read a book or Watch a series as a family in bed, excludes the stresses Lüdke. The parental bed is expected to become, in any case, the exclusion zone for the young ones. “It’s not about that. It should be clear that, at the Sleep of each member of the family goes in his own bed. The sooner the Ritual is done, the better.“
Phase or situational due to changes in the parents ‘ bed to sleep, which is to be considered in isolation to the psychologist after this. “To be in pain a child, anxiety or nightmares, or is raging outside a storm, then the parental bed should always be a safe haven for the child.” This should not, however, represent the exception to the rule, the psychologist.
The argument that children can be set aside in the family bed better than alone in their own bed, because mothers and fathers could react quickly to you, exhausted, he also. Because mothers would always awake when the Baby or small child need you. “This is a Urverhalten, a program that runs constantly, unconsciously, and without restriction with any mother. You will then be always awake. No matter how deep she sleeps, and regardless of whether you are twenty centimeters on the mattress away or in the next room, in the listening distance is asleep.“
family bed means often the end of the sexual relationship of the parents
Instead of benefits for the children, the psychologist sees clearly the disadvantages of the Betts Family in relation to the couple relationship of the parents. In most cases, the sexuality of suffer from the the children shared a bed, often, the family bed is not the end of the sexual relationship of the parents. “In addition, the bed is for couples often the place you can before going to bed the events of the day, the next day plan on Worries, Fears, desires, talk, not to listen to the children. All the way also falls completely.“ Tips from the experts: How to get used to I put my child to sleep in his own bed?
“Unfortunately, there is no gentle withdrawal,” says Lüdke. “Many children do not understand why they alone are to sleep where you have been wonderful, and in case of doubt, over the years, in the family bed to sleep. Therefore, the weaning process is often long and difficult.“ His tip: “Make you the new Ritual of sleeping in your own bed on a specific date, for example, the first day in Kindergarten. And be consistent, you say to your child: We love you, but from now on you’re sleeping in your bed, mom and dad in their bed. Who is inconsistent, makes the learning process for all Parties even harder.“
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