1. “Wait – I’ll help you!” Or, worse: “I’m doing this for you.”
help is all well and good. This rate falls but too often it signals to children: “You can do it. That’s why I do it.“
would be Better instead: “Try it just once. I’m sure you can figure out how to do it. If it’s stuck properly, I’ll support you. But I know you can!“
2. “You need have no fear. It doesn’t hurt at all.“
These phrases are often said by the doctor, for example, before vaccination, with the aim to calm the child. Unfortunately, it is exactly the opposite: in Effect, the words “fear” and “hurt”. This is because that language is understood not only logically, but at the same time interior and paint.
Better “Breathe through instead would be: once a low. Pokes it a bit, and then it’s done already. What do we do then?“ About the author Markus Dietze Anke Precht
Anke Precht is a psychologist and author. She has published several books on mental strength, as well as the book and the CD, “sleep magic” for children in Kindergarten and primary school age. Precht is the mother of three children and lives in a patchwork family in Offenburg.
To the book at Amazon book tip: sleep magic: The gentle sleep ritual for children (display) To the book at Amazon
3. “Top of the line!”
Basically, the super is. Praise feels good, each of us, and, of course, children. Therefore, praise, please, what keeps the stuff! But only then, if there are to praise something. The child praise when it eats an accident, makes sense, if it does, for the first Time. Then an important step has been accomplished, and celebrated.
and Then it should be good. Praised then for the next step: The potato even a small cut. The noodles with the fork, skewer, spoon, instead of you. The dishes in the kitchen.
Why is that? When parents use praise as inflationary, not children learn to distinguish whether or not they have done something well or not so well. You are slow to learn, because why should you make an effort, anyway, if everything is super, what do you do? You have no backstop and no orientation.
at the Latest, if you will have to prove themselves outside of the parents ‘ house, you realize that you have some deficits and uncertain. Because you have not yet learned how to deal with criticism and to see you to endure and as a development incentive, you cannot deal with these deficits often and withdraw, rather than not yet Learned to catch up quickly. A vicious circle begins.
would be Better instead: Praise only when your child has done something really great, and they also say, if you see potential for improvement and something else from the child of your choice. You do the constructive: “Hey, I know that you are swimming more can! Come on, let’s do it again.“ FOCUS Online provides you with the most exciting Reports from the parents. Here you can subscribe to the Newsletter.
4. “Paul makes much the better. / Your cousin Laura writes in the school only ones. / Your brother was at your age however.“
comparisons with other children hurt your soul deeply. Register for: mom and dad will find Paul / my cousin much better than me. I’m not good enough. Would you rather have Paul or Laura to the child. I can make them not right.
also, Avoid comparisons with siblings. Every child is different, every child is good at something Specific, and something else even less well. You prefer to look after the special talents of your child and encourage it to make the good.
Better would be instead: your child is struggling in school? Perhaps it is athletic or works with great pleasure in the garden. You show him how well it does and they demand involvement in the school. It then writes a Note that is slightly better than the other, is in praise of the horse and not the note that Laura has, of course, still get better grades.
The comparisons should not let only the child, but also in conversations at the dinner table. Because amazed the parents about the great academic achievements of the cousin, does not notice the child immediately: yikes, I have one, but. Then it restores the comparisons of self – with the same result for the self-confidence.
5. “If you’re too tired, you can clean your room tomorrow.”
the announcement Was: “Today is tidy!”, then parents should would prefer to risk a little trouble, instead of going the easy way and to move the task. Why hurt a child? Now, it will be understood: The instructions are non-negotiable, mom and dad mean it really seriously.
in other words: I can’t really say to rely on what you. I have to clean up the mess, then there is trouble, and time, I do not need it. The insecure children, and this uncertainty is transferred into the child’s soul. Who has learned that he can’t leave, don’t leave, eventually even to themselves.
would be Better instead: “I know that you clean up any desire to have, and that you’re tired. But there is no way los passes on it, so go for it!“
6. “Would you, please, make your homework?”
packing A prompt as to Please, is not fair. So that it leaves apparently to the child, the decision whether it wants to do the homework or not, so that it must motivate yourself.
What is politely meant, is, in reality, a clear message, to which there is no Alternative. The homework has to be done, whether the child wants to or not. There is no Pseudo-freedom of choice helps. Kids have it much easier, if you know what the deal is, you discuss less and feel inwardly safe, even if you are mad at your parents and sulk or grumble. Must be able to withstand parents!
would be Better instead: Make you a clear message, if something needs to be done: “get your shoes on, we have to go.” Or: “another 20 minutes for homework. Otherwise, the time is not enough for your favorite show.“
And you will formulate just the as Please, what is allowed to reject the child. For example: “can you Help me please fold Laundry?” If the child says no, is it to accept that. Goat race in a panic to hikers to seconds later to see why PCP goat race in a panic to hikers – seconds later, the see why Fruity strawberry make ice cream by yourself: the Extra ingredient makes it especially creamy PCP Fruity strawberry ice cream do-it-yourself: the Extra ingredient makes it especially creamy
