The process of processing after a breakup often runs in waves. First you feel strong, then weak, then desperate or randomly mixed in the order. Some people simply don’t feel anything anymore because there are people who can flip a kind of emotion switch. But then there is the opposite, people who just can’t stop thinking about their ex and are very sad.
Social MediaFollowing each other on social media channels like Instagram after a breakup is like personal torture. The portal is often used by at least one person to demonstrate how happy you are after the relationship ended. The result, the other feels worthless, is devastated and is constantly reminded of the ex-partner.
Unhappy relationship and offended vanity An unhappy relationship in particular carries the risk that it will be difficult to break away. It sounds illogical at first, but you often have in your head what you could have done differently and better. The desire to turn back time is strong. Sometimes there is hurt vanity behind the fact that you cannot and do not want to accept the separation. But in the end you have to learn to accept and close with the past.
The rose-colored glassesTime should heal all wounds, as the saying goes, but what it also causes is that one often glorifies the past relationship in one’s head and remembers the good times more than the bad. Suddenly the relationship is much better remembered than it really was.
Fear of LossSome people are naturally more afraid of loss than others and find it difficult to deal with the separation from a loved one. Of course, this also triggers thoughts about the ex-partner and one wishes more than anything else to undo the breakup.
Unresolved questions and situations If questions remain unanswered at the end of a failed relationship, the head will deal with the past much more in the future than if everything could be clarified or if the situation was clear. Sometimes it can even help to seek the answers to questions. But beware, no Sherlock Holmes work if it is tedious and damages your own psyche too much.
The ex-partner had a personality disorder People who have been with a narcissist, for example, often have even greater problems letting go because the ex-partner then had two faces. But in the pain of separation one only sees “the good mask”. Relationships with people with such personality disorders often involve a mismatch of words with actions. After the breakup, you remember the beautiful words and can hardly bear that they never came true.
Too much space and time to think The simplest formula for not being so attached to your ex-partner is the one that has been preached for generations when you are heartbroken. Distract, distract, distract. Not giving yourself time and energy to dwell on the past. Do sports, meet friends, maybe even date again.
Don’t want to let go of the wishful thinking If you have too much time to ponder and allow yourself to do so, you start to live in a kind of mental parallel universe. You imagine the past relationship in pink, rewrite the story in your head, see the images of a fictitious time or future together. All of this naturally leads to the fact that one has problems letting go.
Fear of new thingsAs the saying goes, we humans are creatures of habit and you often notice that when you break up. Many people are very afraid of anything new. To trust again and again the risk of being disappointed. Unfortunately, this is exactly why some people stay in bad relationships.
“Let’s stay friends” Hand on heart, that works for very few ex-partners. At least not right after the breakup. Sometimes you are so afraid of losing the other person, who was an important part of your life, that you even resort to this phrase. But that is not conducive to the separation and lovesickness. It only prolongs the suffering. Sometimes, years later, however, it can work out with a friendship.
