Anyone who had to endure unhealthy behavior and relationship patterns as a child often internalizes them. As an adult, your childhood can harm you again, because people who had narcissistic parents in particular practice learned patterns in their later relationships.
Evolutionary behavior scientist Minna Lyons from Liverpool John Moores University in Great Britain and her team evaluated posts on the Reddit platform that discussed romantic relationships or dating in combination with the effects of narcissistic parents.
Trust problemsA narcissist cannot usually be trusted, he uses the choice of words for his own advantages, usually lies a lot and does not stick to commitments and promises. A pattern that triggers a strong trust problem in a relationship, whether in a partnership or as a parent-child relationship. If such a pattern has already been experienced in childhood, children of narcissists often struggle with trust problems as adults. The excessive distrust leads to statements like: “When I see any similarities between my father and my boyfriend, I become afraid. If my friend says something similar to what my father said, I consider it a warning sign. I feel like I “Overinterpreting things that aren’t necessarily warning signs.”
Unhealthy Attachment Style The fear of attachment that can arise from a narcissistic parent is often about over-controlling and very critical parents. Nothing you did in childhood was good enough. According to the forum, the result of this was often that people felt unloved and unaccepted. The love and affection was tied to conditions or performance.
There are no limits. A narcissist doesn’t like to be set limits. A person with this personality disorder often reacts very extremely to other people’s boundaries. Example: You are asked to do something, but you say no because you don’t want to do it. The narcissist will almost certainly punish you for the “impudence” of saying no. Either in the form of ignorance and withdrawal of love or through a lot of arguments and anger. In doing so, the narcissist tries to soften the other person into complying with his wish or, more accurately, his demand. Posts on Reddit read: “My childhood relationship with a narcissistic mother means I don’t understand the importance of people respecting my boundaries.” or another person writes: “I always thought I had to put other people first. In previous serious relationships, people constantly violated my boundaries and I let them. I prioritized their feelings, desires, and interests over mine. I felt responsible for her happiness. It was exhausting.”
Children of narcissistic parents are used to being treated badly and therefore quickly slip into familiar patterns as adults. When dating or in a relationship, they often allow themselves to be trampled on or even taken advantage of for far too long. Because of their unhealthy childhood, they lack any kind of comparative value as to what it is like to have a healthy interpersonal relationship. Love and pain are related for people with a narcissistic parent.
Sources: Psychology Today, Psychological Counseling Online
