Narcissists are masters of manipulation. In a relationship with such a person, one quickly becomes their puppet. The goal of many narcissists within a relationship is to conquer and break the other person.

People with a narcissistic personality disorder like to look for partners who actually have a strong character and temperament – only then does a narcissist feel strong if he can make someone submissive who actually has a strong personality structure. A narcissist often does not see people who are more unstable and sensitive as a challenge, so they become uninteresting more quickly.

A person with a rather stronger character, on the other hand, tends more often to object to the manipulation of a narcissist. But what happens when you say “no” to someone whose goal is control and manipulation? Narcissists tend to distort reality – you can repeat a situation or statement that happened just a few minutes or hours ago and the narcissist “remembers” a different version of what happened than you do. It is safe to assume that the version, that the narcissist describes is always better for him and should there be a question of guilt that lies with the other person.

Twisting or even inventing situations in this way is also called gaslighting. Since narcissists turn to their advantage through manipulation or simply lying and their goal is the bondage of their partner, they don’t like to hear the word “no” and accept little or no boundaries. Differences of opinion often lead to an endless cycle and take an enormous amount of energy – unless you apologize, back down and let go of your own limits. Then the narcissist very quickly assumes the role of patron: Even if he was the actual cause of a relationship dispute, he is willing to forgive the behavior of his counterpart.

Therapists advise you to leave a narcissistic relationship. Hardly any personality disorder triggers such traumata in the partner over the long term through manipulation and gaslighting. However, if you are unable or not yet able to break out of this relationship, it is imperative that you set boundaries, because the demands from the narcissist in the form of services, sacrifices, money and power are a bottomless pit. The best way to actually set these limits is with a simple “no”. No great justifications that you would give to every other person, because the narcissist will create a new fairy tale against you from every sentence too many and every justification in order to get to his goal.

While denying a narcissist their wishes or demands almost always leads to a fight, it’s the only way to keep your boundaries. Nevertheless, discussions, manipulations or the causing of feelings of guilt are to be expected, for example through formulations such as being “lacking empathy, would no longer fit as a partner, he was shocked by the character. One is also exposed to insults, anger, blackmail, sanctions and threats not immune. The only thing you can do to avoid it after saying “no” is to try to physically remove yourself from the situation and leave the room, then hopefully the reactions will level off until you meet again meets.

However, the healthiest thing for oneself is and remains separation, without contact, like a long-term cold turkey, otherwise the narcissistic manipulation spiral will continue again and again.

Sources: Psychology Today, Anton Schumann, Business Insider

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