In a relationship, you are usually in contact throughout the day via messenger services such as WhatsApp or SMS. You report on everyday life, work or organize the partnership appointments. It can also quickly happen that you bitch at each other or place a passive-aggressive grin smiley at the wrong place in the conversation. Normal banter suddenly turns into a serious argument.
Especially relationships in which the partners do not live together can come to an abrupt end faster than you can look or read. Because fexting, as the dispute via smartphone is called, can escalate extremely quickly. The word fexting is made up of the English terms fighting and texting.
The biggest problem with continuous digital communication is above all that you cannot look the other person in the eye and also cannot hear his tone of voice or his intonation of words. When reading the news, one automatically interprets a mood in which one cannot be sure whether the other person would have said the sentence in exactly the same way.
The biggest problem with fexting, however, is that it can escalate into a verbal battle of sorts. Sometimes you even think things like “Oh, you didn’t just say that, I can refute that in a second with arguments” and start typing wildly. The send button is pressed faster and words are written faster than they might have been spoken, because the other person usually has another inhibition threshold in an argument.
A golden rule in relationships is therefore, as soon as the mood on WhatsApp and Co. threatens to change, it is better to call the other person. If that doesn’t work, keep silent and take a deep breath until direct communication is possible. One must never forget that even the end of a relationship is typed faster today than it would be said at a personal meeting. If you still prefer to communicate your feelings in text form, it is important that you do not make accusations, if possible, but speak in the first person. “You never take out the trash” should be replaced with “I feel like I take out the trash more often than you do.” A more defensive way of wording and not attacking the partner head-on is often the better choice in written criticism.
Sources: Marie Claire, 9now, Huffpost
