Sarah Woodward has worked for big companies like Sony for years. When a close friend of hers was going through a divorce, she realized how little help there was for women in this situation. From her many years of practice, she knows the most important “red flags” that indicate that it is better to call it quits.
Financial “abuse” tops the list of Woodward’s priorities. What is meant is not fraud, but a creeping form of incapacitation. “One of the red flags is when the partner questions all of your expenses and starts checking receipts and statements.”
This control relegates a self-employed woman to the role of a 1950s housewife, even when she is working. A constant humiliation. In addition to the control partners, there are also the exploiters. “Are you being forced to take on debts in your name that you can’t pay back while your partner spends the money on themselves?” Both are signs that the relationship needs to end immediately.
Most people say they would forgive their partner for having an affair. From practice, Woodward knows that it’s not that easy. If only because there is no affair without meaning. “An affair is often a sign of a failed marriage and a symptom of underlying issues such as anger, resentment, and loneliness, as well as differences in sexual desire.” The other isn’t the primary issue, it’s that the relationship is actually in shambles. “To move on and rebuild the marriage, you have to be able to forgive an affair, and that takes time and effort.”
A woman must also recognize her limits. It’s no use forcing yourself to forgive if you can’t get over the betrayal. “If you find yourself watching your partner’s every move and not wanting to take your eyes off them, or if you’re checking their phone or social media, then it’s time to call it quits and move on.”
Nothing but harmony in the relationship? Sarah Woodward doesn’t believe that. Not arguing at all is a sign that both have already given up on the relationship. “Couples, at the end of their relationship, often hardly speak to each other, let alone argue.”
Woodward believes that proper arguments can build trust and intimacy. But that only creates a real argument that names conflicts and wants to solve them. If the arguments become a blame game and it’s all about pointing fingers, that’s a bad sign. “If you feel that you cannot express your needs and desires in your relationship, it is time to leave the relationship.
It’s normal for people to evolve. Where everything was common in the beginning, it can happen that wishes and goals develop in different directions. When a couple finds a compromise and both sides can find a way forward, it strengthens the relationship. But what if your partner feels like a stranger? “However, do you find yourself walking on eggshells or not speaking your mind to keep the peace?” The future can’t look like this, then it’s time to leave the relationship.
It is well known that sexual intimacy decreases in a long relationship. Woodward points out that emotional closeness also decreases. And that’s a problem, especially for women. That’s easy to determine: Are the emotional moments still shared with the partner, asks Woodward. “Maybe your partner used to be a rock in the surf – the one you always asked for advice, with whom you shared important moments or your latest mishap – but now you call your friends first.”
It’s deadly in the long run, but fortunately you can counteract the emotional drought. You just have to try to do things again as a couple and generally participate in each other’s lives
Many couples stay together because it is best for the children. But that’s never true. “Children are very sensitive and pick up on every negative mood, every tension and every argument.” One should not think that one can hide such tensions from the children. Parents should be role models for healthy relationships, not tortured acting. Woodward advises paying attention to whether the kids seem happier when both parents aren’t in the house. This is an unmistakable sign of how much the tension is weighing on the children. If there is a divorce, both partners should announce this decision to their children together. And take the time to ask questions. “Don’t give them details and encourage them to talk to you about their concerns.”
Quelle: Sarah Woodward, The Sun
