This article first appeared on RTL.de
The toy has been lost, the bodysuits are too small, what has the child learned, what is not going well at the moment and who is actually calling the day care center? In order to discuss these topics, the Cologne influencer Carmen Kroll aka Carmushka and her husband Niclas Kroll hold weekly parent team meetings. Sounds exaggerated? Not necessarily! Because exactly such meetings can help us to “maintain the dream of family life,” says Heike vom Heede, educator and founder of the “Düsseldorf Family Institute.”
“Parent team meeting means that there is a regular appointment, once a week or at least every 14 days, where you ask yourself: What are the current issues?” explains educator and family counselor Heike vom Heede in an interview with RTL. Current to-dos are discussed here – but not just limited to your own child.
Everything that relates to partnership or family should be discussed here, explains vom Heede. In addition to children’s issues, this can be household management or finances, and the couple’s relationship can also be included in the discussions. For example, the question: when will we have an evening just for two again?
You can start with such meetings during pregnancy and clarify at this point: Which appointments are coming up? How am I doing as a woman? As a father-to-be, do I actually notice everything and can I possibly be more involved?, explains the expert. “Once the child is born, you look: who is responsible for what? How do we organize family and work? When will the babysitter come? And are we satisfied with him at all?”
“In all issues that belong to a family, the bosses are mum and dad,” explains vom Heede. Conversely, this also means that both are responsible and should know about current topics. Traditionally, the mothers are often more involved. The meetings help to involve fathers from the start. “We women tend to sometimes give the impression that we know better,” says the expert. It is often difficult for men to keep up. This also included banal everyday questions such as: How do we organize the child’s closet? Where’s the pajamas? And who makes the school bread?
If you clarify to-dos and distribute tasks fairly, the potential for conflict is also lower. Tensions often arise in parents because they are overburdened. The problem: Most of the time, you carry these areas of tension through everyday life, explains vom Heede. “If I can feel that as an outsider, then the children really live in this atmosphere.”
Organized meetings can prevent this, according to the expert. “Regular team meetings make a big contribution to parents being able to stay positive in their dealings with one another and to appreciate each other.” If you just let it go, the mutual disappointment (“You don’t do it, we don’t pull together”) is often great. On the other hand, if you are a team and discuss problems, fears or injustices in a team meeting, you can also manage not to discuss such topics in front of the child, explains vom Heede.
According to the educator, if parents feel comfortable in their role and appreciate each other, the children will notice and realize: They are a strong team! This also means that you can make better use of and enjoy family life and time with your children – thanks to better agreements: “A team meeting helps to keep the dream of family life,” says the expert.
Some parents may find an extra team meeting excessive – does that make sense for every family? Parent team meetings don’t suit everyone, vom Heede explains. This helps some with the structure, but there are also people who prefer to live their everyday life differently. The respective couple must also feel comfortable with the agenda that is supposed to structure the meetings. “The family decides on what basis that is,” says the family counselor.
Tip from the expert for couples without children: Regular meetings can also help couples without children, for example when they are just moving in together. Here, too, questions often arise such as: How do we divide up the household? Who is shopping? Who pays how much and what needs to be cleaned and how often?
