Conversations and discussions that go around in circles, where you occasionally wonder whether you haven’t answered something long ago and are left exhausted and confused, are often the means of manipulators in a relationship. People who put words in your mouth, lie shamelessly and always want you to doubt your own perception. If you observe characteristics of manipulation within a relationship, the answer is clearly: open your eyes. Because the following twelve behaviors make you tired, perplexed and often leave you desperate.
Reverse PsychologyYou don’t feel like going to an invitation and blame it on your partner by saying, “I’d love to go, but I don’t want you to feel tortured or forced, so I’m going to cancel.” Either you want your partner to say, I’m happy to come with you, even though that’s not the case, or you’re hiding your own reluctance behind goodwill towards your partner.
White liesYou are afraid to tell your partner the truth if a mishap or mistake has happened to you. So you start to cover up your mistake, hoping that you won’t get beaten up and there won’t be an argument. But white lies can also affect other people, for example friends who you want to meet without your partner: you pretend that the person is not feeling well at the moment and that you would therefore rather go alone this time, for example.
The ComparisonYou want your partner to do something for you or agree to something, but you know that the other person doesn’t actually like or want that. So tell friends, colleagues or neighbors where the partner did all that for someone and praise their actions. At some point, when in doubt, the partner feels compelled to act towards the people mentioned and agrees.
CalculationYou do something nice for your partner or arrange a small gift, give a gift or give in to desired activities only with the aim that your partner will have to do something next that he doesn’t feel like doing. But not because they wanted to do something good for their partner.
The car salesman partner has a different attitude, for example when it comes to a purchase. Then a kind of sales conversation begins. Arguments for your point of view are presented without periods or commas, the other person is hardly allowed to have a say and in the end you act as if your partner had agreed: “So let’s do it like this now, shall we?!”
Pretending to give false facts Many people have already experienced this in relationships: faking false facts. There are two possible ways: Either you claim that you know everything: “You don’t have to lie about your messages to other men, I know it anyway” and the person acts as if he has an informant – or the opposite Trip. You already know more about a situation, but you don’t admit it and act ignorant. In this way, you let your partner explain without knowing anything and immediately fish out the lies that you then later throw at him or her.
Fake indifferenceYou actually know exactly what you want for dinner, but you don’t want to seem patronizing. This is how you act as if you don’t care about anything. But every suggestion from the other person is talked down to until you get to the restaurant or dish that you favored from the start.
The Ex Comparison “Oh, you don’t want to do that for me? My ex had no problem with it at all, she actually enjoyed it and did it well!” – Sentences like these hurt and they should. They are intended to represent a comparison and feed the idea of competition so that the partner feels obliged to do everything that the ex supposedly did.
Independence and sanctionsThe same applies to the feigned independence as in the previous comparison. “Oh, you can’t help me with that? No problem, then I’ll be less available in the future, I have to take care of my things.” If you don’t, then… that’s the principle. You don’t want the way I want, then I will sanction you for it. This is often followed, especially with narcissists, by what is known as “silent treatment”. A kind of withdrawal of love in which the other person completely ignores you until you squirm and beg for attention or even do everything the other person wants.
Today like this, tomorrow like thisA manipulator often tends to change his verbalized goals and wishes in life as often as possible. Why? So that his partner can never please him. This contributes to the other person feeling small and inadequate, which in turn can lead to more compliance in order to please.
Conversation reversalYou bring up a problem you have with your partner and before you know it, the conversation is no longer about the criticism presented, but about your own mistakes. It’s almost impossible to go back to the beginning and in the end you almost regret making the criticism.
GaslightingOne of the worst manipulations in a toxic relationship is gaslighting. This behavior describes people who try to distort the perception of the other person. Example: One wants to present a situation from the past and the other person vehemently claims that it was not like that and that it is not true, even though what was presented is true. The toxic partner does this until you question yourself whether you were wrong. You are left uncertain and perplexed, often desperate, because you can say whatever you want, provide evidence yourself – the other person will claim that you are lying or misrepresenting things.
Quellen: Business Insider, Psychology Today
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