It has long been known that men and women sometimes think about someone else when they have sex with their partner. Whether it’s rock or Hollywood stars or supermodels. A simulated adventure without risk.
A survey by the British tabloid Daily Mail among over a thousand Brits has now revealed a different perspective than just romantic escapism. In fact, having a “lover in your head” is a pragmatic way to keep the marriage going even after a long time. A number of women admitted that they didn’t find their hubby at home particularly attractive.
Karen Jones, 55, says: “I don’t find him sexually attractive anymore. We get on really well but I just don’t like him physically – and haven’t for ten years.” Without a young, attractive man in her head, she wouldn’t have sex with her husband at all. For Karen this is no problem: “What should I do? Divorce the man with whom I raised two children, with whom I spent most of my life and who has become my best friend over the years – “All because I don’t want him anymore?”
Just leave because she doesn’t feel like having sex? This makes no sense to Karen. “Not finding your partner attractive anymore is not a good reason for divorce.”
In fact, 78 percent of respondents shared her view. They all said they wouldn’t end their marriage just because their sexual appetite has diminished. Now you might think that 55-year-old Karen is older and has been with her husband for a long time. But age is not the reason. 67 percent of 25 to 34 year olds share this view. And even among all boys (18 to 24 years old), 38 percent still agreed.
It is also surprising that approval among men is even greater at 84 percent than among women – 73 percent. In general, those surveyed do not see sex as the foundation of a marriage. Only 7 percent of men believe that great sex is the most important thing in marriage. 54 percent stated respect instead. The Daily Mail is astounded: “Our findings suggest that sex is not as important to couples as society would have us believe – and that in our supposedly porn-obsessed age, old-fashioned principles of respect and empathy prevail remain.” However, almost a third of those surveyed say that marriage is no longer relevant. There is little hope for singles either. 44 percent of those who have never been married say marriage just wasn’t made for them.
Karen Jones has also lost her desire. After 30 years of marriage, she finds this normal. “You don’t have to feel the need to rip someone’s clothes off to share your life with them.” Sex was very important in her life. She says she always found her husband “incredibly attractive” and didn’t let her career, household and children stop her from having a fulfilling sex life. But then her husband got older. “He lost muscle and gained weight.” Then it was gone, the sexual spark.
Older men never hit on her, says Karen Jones. And that didn’t change as she got older. Karen Jones takes a critical look at herself. She no longer has a yoga body, she explains, and doesn’t care about her appearance either. So she assumes that her husband will also help their sex life with a little imagination. “He probably turns me into his own fantasy woman in his head when we have sex. That’s fine with me.”
At 27, Samantha Bochenek is significantly younger and doesn’t have these problems. “My husband goes to the gym, has broad shoulders and a muscular body. I find him very attractive.” If that ever wears off, that wouldn’t be a reason for her to divorce. If you leave your partner because of this, there is a high probability of experiencing this problem with the next man, says Samantha. Of course she hopes that her husband continues to find her attractive. But if this attraction wears off, her husband shouldn’t say so, but rather just “keep up the appearance.” A fantasy woman is different than a real affair, then she would get a divorce. “That would be the ultimate betrayal for me.”
The names have been changed for the report.
Those: Daily Mail
