Is it just the well-known slip-up, which is almost always presented with the subtext “I drank too much and didn’t know what I was doing anymore”, or is the other person a serial offender?
Therapist Jourdan Travers wrote in Psychology Today magazine about the differences in the personality structures of a “normal” cheater and a notorious cheater. During the expert’s analysis, three characteristics emerged that are often found in notorious cheaters.
Unresolved problems in the pastA notorious cheater often carries serious wounds and scars from the past. Traumatic experiences, dysfunctional family structures or fear of abandonment are the most common. Most often, such formative life moments lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem or a deep-seated fear of rejection. What does all this have to do with serial fraud? Through the attention and desire of many different people, the serial cheater often tries to boost his or her own self-esteem. Conquering a stranger also plays a role here, because the adrenaline of dating distracts from your inner self.
Fear of loneliness sounds paradoxical, because as a serial cheater you can destroy your own relationship faster than you can see. But psychologically, fear of loneliness can be a reason for constant cheating. People who experience fear of commitment and loss tend to cheat more often, according to a 2021 study published in “Personality and Individual Differences.” In relationships, people with this problem often seem emotionally distant, so they “hide” their vulnerability. The less emotional the relationship is, the less likely it is that you will have to deal with your own shortcomings. Cheating gives this group of people a feeling of power and the lack of emotional connection protects them from the fear of loss.
ImpulsivityImpulsivity and lack of self-confidence is a common combination for cheating on your partner. A 2018 study found that people with these traits also have a higher tolerance for cheating. The main motivation: They are always looking for thrill, excitement and recognition in interpersonal relationships and find it difficult to develop this feeling on their own.
Behind all the motives for serial cheaters is also the adrenaline rush that secret affairs and forbidden relationships bring. Once the ice is broken, the path to becoming a full-time stranger often seems to be paved. As the saying goes, “Once your reputation is ruined, you live life completely unabashedly…”
Sources: “Psychology Today,” 2021 study, 2018 study
