This text first appeared here on brigitte.de.
It’s a time that many parents dread: At birth, it still seems miles away, but as you already know as a parent, time flies. And suddenly she knocks on the door: puberty. What, my child is already a teenager? Wasn’t it still in the baby seat? Many parents may catch themselves with this thought after their child has slammed the door in their face for the first (or repeated) time.
There is no longer any trace of the cuteness of the past. Instead, teenagers like to convey the feeling to their parents during puberty that they can’t do anything right. We can’t relieve you of the children’s puberty – but this concern immediately. Because just because the little rioters find everything and everyone unfair doesn’t mean that that’s the case. On the contrary: If we listen deep inside ourselves, we should remember that even at the tender age of 14 we could hardly be satisfied. After all, we were all teenagers once.
And even if your adolescent child gives you the impression that you are doing everything wrong, there is a high probability that you are not. On the contrary: There are a few things that teenagers love about their parents – even if they don’t always want to admit it.
1. Eat together As uncool as family dinners may seem, they give teenagers immense security, especially in turbulent times. They feel cared for and have a home with fixed rituals and structures. Even if they complain about the food.
2. Remembering friends Friendships are more important than ever during puberty. As a mum (or dad) it’s easy to lose track of things – but if you remember the names of friends and ask them what’s going on at the moment, you’ll not only find out the latest gossip, but also show them at the same time genuine interest in life in the teen bubble.
3. Take it seriously and listenYes, many teen problems seem inflated years later. But let’s remember: they felt pretty serious. Let’s take them that way too. Listening nonjudgmentally is one thing teens not only love their parents dearly for, but also inspires confidence.
4. Showing weaknessSometimes as a parent you have the feeling that the children don’t want to show any weaknesses anymore – because mom wouldn’t understand them anyway. Let’s show them the opposite! When parents talk about problems from their youth, you immediately feel like you’re in the same boat.
5. Offer Advice Which brings us to the next benefit: If dad has been through the problems before, he conveniently knows that there is usually a solution. Anyone who still manages to offer non-binding advice in a reserved manner, rather than being a know-it-all, has won!
6. Allow privacy We used to be able to walk into the room thoughtlessly, but now the door is often closed. Let’s respect the new privacy – many teenagers quickly feel constricted, the home should still be a place of retreat where they also have time for themselves.
7. Giving trustLeaving space also means trusting. When teenagers know their parents trust them, they won’t want to lose that freedom — and they’ll follow the rules on their own.
8. Being your biggest fan
Puberty is that nasty time when you have doubts about everything and everyone – but above all about yourself. The task of us parents: to live out what we are anyway, namely our children’s biggest fan. Appreciation for hobbies and decisions is the foundation of support children need for healthy self-esteem.
9. Spending time together Even if mom and dad are suddenly uncool – most people are still happy about time together, without siblings or another parent. Let’s just let the teenagers take the reins in where we want to go. Much more profound conversations often arise in familiarity. In this way, a nice friendship can develop between child and parent during puberty.
10. Cuddling and letting children be Ultimately, children will always be children. That’s how it is even for adults with their parents. So let’s leave them. Let’s cuddle them, even if they turn away in disgust, let’s be silly and give them a little childhood before puberty tries to spoil it for them!
