Blind cow, journey to Jerusalem, stop dance. Plus a cake and fries with sausages in the evening. Children’s birthdays have long been celebrated in many living rooms in one way or another. A nice afternoon spent at home with friends and family, and at a reasonable price for the parents. But anyone who now has children in daycare and elementary school knows: Those days are over.
A celebration that many people know from their own childhood is often no longer enough these days. The demands on children’s birthdays have increased significantly. The parties should be special, unusual – and ideally different from those of other children. And that again every year.
Children are invited to dinosaur, pirate or mermaid parties, where everything is coordinated, from the invitation card, decorations and cake to the surprise bag with small gifts for the guests. Parents book entertainers for face painting and balloon modeling – or an agency for the complete package with bouncy castle and cotton candy.
Celebrations outside of your own four walls are standard
There is also an almost endless offer of ways to celebrate your little one’s special day outside of your own four walls. While birthday trips to the bowling alley or fast food outlet were once considered unusual, parties at indoor playgrounds, climbing gardens, soccer halls or trampoline parks are now standard.
Demand in this area is constantly high, says a spokeswoman for the Jump House Group, which operates trampoline halls across Germany. “On the weekends we are often fully booked weeks in advance for children’s birthday parties.” The basic birthday package including drinks as well as pizza or muffins costs 33.90 euros – per child.
A child’s birthday party has become an event for which many parents are prepared to pay three-digit amounts. Why is that?
Celebrations have always been used by people to assure themselves of certain things, says sociologist Paul Eisewicht, who also researches the consequences of consumption and cultural experiences. While the focus was on saints in the Middle Ages, with the upheaval in modern times, people became more visible as independent individuals.
“Nowadays, children have a very high value and the child as a separate being has become even more important,” says Eisewicht. “They give him a lot more attention and want to offer him every opportunity – and also special experiences.”
Individuality is rewarded with recognition
The folklorist Gabriele Dafft, who researches everyday culture at the LVR Institute for Regional Studies and Regional History, also describes children’s birthdays as a “mirror of society”. The unique selling point of a celebration is an expression of individuality, which has great value in society. “Doing something individual is something that is recognized,” says Dafft. Offers that help to implement this are often a relief for many parents.
Planning the birthdays of her two children always stresses her out, says Steffi, a mother from Munich. “My husband and I both work and have enough to do as it is.” There is also little space in her city apartment. In addition, classics like sack races, can throwing and scavenger hunts no longer worked after a certain age. “The expectations are now quite high. With the opportunity to celebrate somewhere else, some of the pressure is taken off.”
Many parents feel under pressure
Social worker Dana Mundt from the online counseling service of the Federal Conference for Educational Counseling also observes the pressure that many parents felt when thinking about their children’s birthday party. The phenomenon of “getting bigger and better” resonates in many inquiries, she says. Social media like Instagram, where parents praised the seemingly perfect child’s birthday, increased the pressure.
“There is a concern that your own child, who was a guest at a trampoline party, will look worse in front of his friends if you just organize a pot-hitting party.” The fear of looking like a bad mother also plays a role.
In this context, psychologist and market researcher Birgit Langebartels from the Cologne Rheingold Institute also speaks of a “dramatization” of children’s birthdays. Parents today try to have as much control as possible over the child’s development, but are increasingly insecure and plagued by self-doubt. This sometimes becomes extreme at birthdays. “Everything should be perfect.” This often leads to overloading.
And to disappointments. “If things don’t go as planned or a child doesn’t function the way you imagined, things quickly threaten to collapse,” says the psychologist.
When the event becomes more important than the content
The educational scientist Ludger Pesch, who, among other things, works as a lecturer at the Catholic University of Social Affairs Berlin (KHSB), also points out that with a birthday full of attractions, the idea of the festival can quickly fade into the background. “It can happen that the event becomes more important than the content.” Because of their distraction, the children wouldn’t be able to get involved with what it was supposed to be about: “Celebrating together.”
However, in Eisewicht’s opinion, the development should not be demonized. “First of all, it’s an opportunity to offer the children something that wasn’t possible before.” It becomes problematic if the whole thing becomes a spiral in which people are looking for ever greater experiences. “Then you get stuck in a vicious circle and the stimulus wears off, which always has to be compensated for by further increases.”
How to avoid the eventization trap
The experts advise parents to be less crazy about the topic. And to think together and calmly with the child how they actually want to celebrate their birthday, with whom – and what is possible. “You can discuss this with the child,” says Dana Mundt. “So that expectations don’t get too high.”
Basically, children’s birthdays are a good thing, emphasizes Pesch. They are part of today’s society and are a building block of coexistence. “A birthday is a special moment. Celebrating it is an expression of appreciation for the children.”
