Finding the partner for life with whom you can compete with Bonnie and Clyde and steal horses is difficult. The so-called “perfect match” isn’t waiting in dozens on the next street corner – if it can be found at all. It’s just a good thing that it doesn’t always have to be the big, romantic Hollywood love. Even a seemingly boring relationship can make you happy.
However, that doesn’t mean that you should put up with a partner who doesn’t make any effort or even has one eye on a new, supposedly more suitable object of desire. But how do you know if it’s really love? A love test that is currently going viral on Tiktok is intended to bring clarity.
The “Bird Test” is intended to provide information about whether a relationship has a future or not. This primarily refers to love relationships. The trick is simple. All you have to do is draw your partner’s attention to something rather unimportant. This can be anything – a cloud formation, a piece of clothing or even a bird. The partner’s reaction to this is crucial.
The test is considered to have been passed if the person reacts favorably, responds to what is shown and is interested in it. Because that is “a very good sign that the relationship will last a long time,” said Alyssa Caribardi on Tiktok. She swears by the “Bird Test”. Her explainer video has now been seen millions of times.
However, according to the test theory, the relationship is doomed to failure if the other person responds to what is shown with disinterest. If your partner doesn’t respond, doesn’t ask questions or responds in monosyllables, that’s an indication that the love won’t last. Caribardi says he also uses the “Bird Test” to test relationships with friends or family members.
In the video, she says that she pointed out a great spotted woodpecker to a friend and that they both talked about the animal for a while and even looked up a few facts online. She emphasizes that the friendship continues.
Does the “Bird Test” really work? The fact is that it is not a social media invention by clever influencers, but is based on a theory by behavioral therapist John Gottman. The test probably refers to his “Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage”. One of these secrets says that you should turn to others even in small things. These small situations are also described as “calls for care.” Someone who points something out to others wants attention. Sharing the experience creates a connection. If the partner doesn’t respond to such “calls” and perhaps even turns away, this can be hurtful and may create a feeling of loneliness.
Gottmann, who specializes in couples therapy, concludes in his research that couples who are more affectionate towards each other have a higher chance of having a long-term relationship. He presented the results of his study in 1998.
But it remains doubtful whether it really makes sense to make the future of your relationship solely dependent on a single boring test. Especially since Gottmann’s theory is anything but uncontroversial. His study was repeatedly criticized and his scientific methods were questioned. One point of criticism: Gottmann’s experimental group was very small. Only 57 married couples took part at that time. He later never tested the insights he gained from his observations in another study group.
Quelle: Tiktok, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Slate
