Alcohol is part of Christmas. Mostly lie wine, whiskey
How wonderful that a drop or two is suitable for getting rid of relatives when they (once again) show extraordinary staying power and start babbling about politics instead of enjoying the harmony of peace. Because let’s be honest, at Christmas you should do it like in the office: you don’t talk about your sex life and politics. At least not with everyone.
But what to do if the tongue of a sensitive person in need of communication is itchy? If the festively decorated dining table threatens to be converted into a regulars’ table, heavy artillery is needed – in this case, a strangling angel. The herbal bitter from Westphalia lives up to its name. 40 revolutions do not initially suggest anything bad, but according to the manufacturer, Chinese roots ensure an “intense and sharp” taste.
It’s so indecently sharp and intense that it could even tie up the dog’s tie for the all-father of indecency, thus ensuring two minutes of Christmas peace. If, contrary to expectations, the Strangling Angel fails to work, you should do your best to eliminate any memory of the festival.
This works best with absinthe. The downer was made famous by the artist Vincent van Gogh and boasts of being one of the highest-proof spirits on the market. According to legend, the Dutch painter cut off part of his left ear while intoxicated with absinthe. Fits somehow to the Christmas political discussion.
However, whether the “green fairy” was the reason for the loss of the hearing organ or a previous dispute with his artist friend Paul Gauguin is still disputed to this day. It is possible that van Gogh wanted to protect his friend and therefore claimed that he had cut off his own ear. A scenario well known to most families. So it might be. If you want to give presents to a quick-tempered artist, you can never go wrong with absinthe.
Gin is followed by rum – not in this list, but in the list of trend drinks of those who moved from the Swabian wasteland to Berlin and now get on their family’s spirits with cosmopolitan drivel at Christmas. A few years ago, gin was still the trend spirit for cosmopolitan men and women, but more and more connoisseurs are enjoying unusual types of rum.
If you want to make a real moviegoer happy with a very special drop, reach for the Cinecane Popcorn Rum. A spirit that tastes like popcorn may sound unusual at first, but it is a real blessing for palates plagued by strangling or absinthe. And when Hollywood dares to go down the toilet again and lets Batman fight Superman, every film fan is happy to have liquid instead of solid popcorn at hand.
“Karla Kolumna was my biggest role model, that’s why I wanted to become a journalist” – yes, if you read this sentence in a journalist’s author profile, tears want to come. It only gets worse when the person calls themselves a “scribe” and reveals how much he or she likes to “juggle” words. If the “wording” sounds familiar to you, there is a high probability that you are also in the so-called “journalist bubble”. There is probably no place in this world that drips more with generic harmony paired with unfounded self-exaggeration.
Before this text about Schnaps is “jazzed up” further, do yourself, your colleagues and every bargain maker a favor and give away some creativity in the form of Writers Tears. This is a delicious Irish blend whose effects make even agency copywriting, poor pay and short-tempered editors-in-chief who forget their hand on the trainee’s thigh at the Christmas party bearable.
Speaking of forgotten hands on thighs: Anyone who orders a plum brandy from a young waitress in a restaurant with a wink is very likely to be an old scumbag. Whether this genus Men… man will eventually die out? Probably not. As they say on the island so aptly: “Boys will be Boys.” But what’s a lot nicer than upsetting a waitress is upsetting an old scumbag. And experience has shown that this can only be achieved with a cheeky portion of quick-wittedness. Ideally, before the scumbag can counter, give him a herbal schnapps. Maybe that will help him reconsider his behavior.
Enough of family, colleagues, bosses and other annoying accessories. Christmas time is all about sitting on the couch with no regrets, wrapped up in a fluffy blanket and munching on a pot of cookie dough while the companions take on Sauron and Harry, Hermione and Ron, you know who, or Karlsson over the roof flies. There is a liquid alternative for all lovers of chilled cookie dough. But you shouldn’t gobble them up like the sundae. Still, it’s not wrong to be slightly dressed up for Christmas. You know what I mean. Happy Holidays.
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