When money is tight, nerves can be on edge. This is especially true in times of inflation and energy crisis. The high electricity and gas prices sometimes tear deep holes in the republic’s purse, and the price increase has long been felt at the supermarket checkout.
Overall, consumer prices rose by 7.4 percent in March compared to the same month last year. But how does this stressful situation affect relationships? Do couples fight about money more often now? Or is a wave of divorces to be expected? A search for clues.
quarrel about money
If you believe a current survey by the online dating service ElitePartner, the topic of money is a constant point of contention in about every tenth relationship. According to this, 11.4 percent of 4,386 respondents in October and November last year stated that they often argue with their partner about money and expenses. The figures also show that around a quarter said they could hardly make ends meet without their partner with their income.
It is also striking that, according to the survey, women are more likely to become financially dependent on their partners than men. Accordingly, it particularly affects married women and those with children. For men, on the other hand, marital or child status makes no difference. In the case of couples with children in particular, this is likely to be related to the fact that women often put their professional careers on the back burner for the family, while men are more often able to continue their careers without any significant interruptions.
Can financial dependency affect the relationship? Sometimes yes. “If you can only cope materially and existentially together, feelings and passion lose importance,” says couples counselor Michael Mary of the German Press Agency.
According to Mary, there is no general answer as to whether an unhappy relationship can be saved in such a situation. Rather, it depends on the couple. “Basically, I don’t advise couples, but accompany them through difficult life situations as a breakdown helper,” explains the expert.
When separation is too expensive
According to Mary, money is still a taboo subject in some relationships. About ten percent of the couples who seek his advice came to him about money issues. “And when the consequences of concealment become apparent, it is often more likely to go to the lawyer than to the couples counselor,” says Mary.
The Berlin specialist lawyer for family law, Eva Becker, also knows this. Over the past year, she has often had to deal with cases in which the relationship can no longer be saved, but the separation is too expensive. There is an increased need for advice for couples who are emotionally separated but continue to live in one apartment because they cannot afford two apartments.
In Berlin, this also has something to do with the housing shortage there. Nevertheless, in Becker’s view, this state of affairs bears the hallmarks of the current energy and inflation crisis. “It has gotten worse since the beginning of the Ukraine war,” says Becker, who also chairs the family law committee of the German Lawyers’ Association.
The situation has become more difficult, especially for people with medium and low incomes, because they do not know how to cope with the costs of a separation. According to Becker, this problem is not new, but as a result of the energy crisis and inflation, people are now more tense because they now also have to cope with the general increase in the cost of living.
A separation is – especially for married people – often associated with high costs. This includes not only the rent for the new apartment, but also maintenance for the ex-partner or the children. In fact, there were costs for two households when the couple separated, although their income remained the same, says Becker.
The Divorce Rate
However, it is not yet possible to say how the current crisis will affect the divorce rate. In recent years it has tended to decline. According to the Federal Statistical Office, 142,800 marriages were divorced in Germany in 2021. That was 0.7 percent less than the year before. Since 2012, the number of divorces has fallen every year, with the exception of a slight increase in 2019.
Basically, says couples therapist Daniela Bernhardt, many factors interact in conflicts in relationships. “The frustration usually builds up over the years until ignoring, dubbing and swallowing it no longer works.” However, it is actually more often the argument about money at the moment that causes the camel to overflow.
But: “Since the causes are not in the energy costs, the relationship will not automatically improve if prices go down again.” In general, Bernhardt advises people in conflict-ridden relationships not to sit out problems. “Holding on is not a good idea. Life is too short for a bad relationship.”
