A few days ago, a stern colleague made her 14-year-old son’s story public and wrote in shock: “My child would vote for the AfD.” The podcast “Hoss
A question that Thorsten Niebling can answer. The social worker is co-head of the Hessian advice center “Red Line” and specializes in right-wing extremism. He noticed: “In the beginning, young people are like newly in love, they don’t question their idols,” says Niebling in an interview with Stern.
Every day he experiences what happens when children and young people look for the wrong role models and drift into right-wing worlds of thought. According to Niebling, it takes a few weeks to six months for initial curiosity to become a new identity. “The more frequently the relevant content is consumed, the more the other opinion becomes your own. You feel more and more like you belong to the group and adopt the beliefs.” From this point on, children are hardly accessible to other facts.
This is often an ordeal for parents. While their own child advertises for the AfD or throws around xenophobic slogans without thinking, they stand by, helpless. “Parents often react to right-wing statements from their child with a cell phone ban and stricter rules,” adds Niebling. Because they are afraid, because they are overwhelmed, because they are worried and don’t know any other solution to the problem. However, bans often lead to the child developing a kind of defensive attitude and becoming even more immersed in their world of thoughts, the expert knows from experience.
Better: “Speak, speak, speak.” At least that is the advice from Professor Michael Schulte-Markwort. The child psychiatrist is, among other things, medical director of the Oberberg Fachklinik Fasanenkiez and supervisor of the Paidion practice in Hamburg. For him, conversation is the method of choice when his own child shuts down – and as openly as possible: “The more children notice that certain topics are a red flag at the family table, the more intensively they deal with them when in doubt. Keyword rebellious phase.” If there were no taboos, then as a parent you could educate, explain and classify things much better.
Niebling also knows: “If there is a good culture of communication in the family, it is easier to address political issues.” A good communication culture means, above all, respectful cooperation, in which the focus is not on accusations, but on mutual understanding and interest. Even if the child raves about the AfD in a completely naive way. “If the child makes a questionable statement, parents can ask the child to explain what was said. And then they should ask a lot of questions: How did you come up with that? What do you think about it? Why is this important to you?” says Schulte -Markwort.
An honest and unbiased interest in the child’s life is an important factor in maintaining a connection with your own offspring even in difficult times. Child psychiatrist Schulte-Markwort calls this “profiling.” “It is important to know what kind of child you have and what relationship history connects you.” This applies to every family. “When it comes to right-wing slogans, you should ask yourself what values and political attitudes you are conveying to your child. “
For example, if the child lives in a left-green household, then the new enthusiasm for right-wing ideas can also be a form of protest, according to the psychiatrist. “The turning away from parents during puberty, sometimes accompanied by ideological or religious or whatever content, is part of the normal search for identity,” says Schulte-Markwort. Not every AfD fanaticism from the mouth of a young person is therefore cause for concern. Even though it’s hard for parents to endure this, he points out: “Just because my child thinks more right-wing than me, that doesn’t automatically mean that I should intervene. If I’m too critical of my child’s point of view, I’m doing it in the worst case, only more into the ideology.”
A mechanism that social worker Niebling regularly observes. The children are blinded, feel misunderstood by their parents and increasingly throw themselves into the arms of their supposedly flawless idols. Niebling sees the greatest opportunities for parents on the emotional level: “Feelings are the most important access to children. Right-wing offers also take advantage of this by working with storytelling and simple answers to complex questions.” So it’s not enough to refute the messages with facts, you always have to ask yourself: What need does my child have behind the belief?
Appreciation. Recognition. Belonging. Strength. Orientation. The answers to this question can be varied. But often the great interest in extreme currents is based on deeper needs of the young person that are not being met elsewhere. Schulte-Markwort says: “Drifting into right-wing thought patterns can be a signal that something has gotten out of hand.” So it’s a good opportunity for parents to question how their relationship with their child has been going over the last few weeks and months – and whether they’ve lost touch somewhere.
If that is the case, it is important to pick up the thread again. With a respectful handout, an open ear and heart and lots of questions. Young people (and adults too) often want to be heard and seen first and foremost. If parents manage to signal to their child that understanding and appreciation is given, then the chances of an open exchange are good. However, Schulte-Markwort says that the goal should not be to talk the child out of their own opinion: “You have to talk to each other in order to maintain the connection.” However, he points out that young people also have the right to freedom of expression. And that applies even if this opinion is temporarily colored by rose-colored – or brown – glasses.
