Adultery is no longer a taboo subject – we are talking about it like never before.
Every fourth dane has been its partner cheating is defined by, that you had sex with someone other than his partner. It shows a major study on the danes ‘ sexuality conducted by the project SEXUS, which is a collaboration between Statens Serum Institut and Sexologisk Research centre at Aalborg University.
Every fourth. Now – it is also many – but the study result is in fact so surprising? I don’t believe it, if you do not live in complete blindness of what a man is. The respondents have well just answer honestly, but it is as if it is coming from behind on the experts, on the public and on the media, that the recent time has put the focus on the sex and love life.
And there are all sorts of good explanations to be adultery: that one cannot control themselves when drinking alcohol. You yearn for something in the couple. That you do not have a good sex life. You need to develop, explore and realize itself. That one does not feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated and everything else. It is certainly not wrong – just not always sufficient explanation.
maybe she just can’t always be explained, understood and udgrundes. Like the therapist, the psychologist’s and sexologernes many well-intentioned advice on how to avoid infidelity, is never sufficient – but in fact reduces what a person is. And what love is.
one can not always prevent infidelity – ensuring against everything in life and in the couple. I will neither defend she or moralize over it. Nothing could be me more distant – for morality is something you have towards each other. In the heart and in the conscience. And the face of God. If you were to believe in such a thing.
But she cannot always explain, because it does not necessarily arise out of the inadequacies and the cracks in the relationship of that which is not – but everything that occurs in the encounter with another human being.
I once wrote an op-ed piece, where my point was, that Pashacasino infidelity does not necessarily arise out of the termination, but of love. Of a furtive love, that is just so great, true, genuine and pure as the love you’ve got paper on.
After the chronicle had been brought, floated my mailbox with expressions and confessions from people known to that kind of love. And it is this that is tabuiseret. Not be adultery in itself, but to the love between the two, who love the hidden cam, are of the same creative being as the love, know the light.
It is tabuiseret that you can have a sore heart for another human being. A space reserved for time and eternity, which can never be filled by anything or anyone else – no matter how good, solid and kærlighedsmættet a relationship or a marriage one has. We will not know that there are circumstances in our life, which can not be explain. But explain to us.
That our lives should be viewed through the colored glass of the puzzles – through the love puzzles. That we do not create love, but it strikes us as the right people and therefore not something we can guard ourselves against, prepare for or prevent from happening. For love is – and love is. Is bigger than us. We put like our whole moral reputation, order in society, as marriage is, and our peace of mind in the game – for love’s sake.
And even the love, that lasted only briefly or never really was, loved something in us. Made us a little more human. Maybe. I’m not saying that all the infidelity has love reason – but the human longing for passion, it lives in all of us.
And the passion is fueled by the passion and impossibility. The obstacle may be the premise, and verdenslitteraturens largest and most passionate kærlighedsfortællinger is rarely about the people who get each other – but for those who do not get each other.
And the biggest kærlighedsfortællinger are written by authors who are not themselves able to live out the. ‘The only happy love is the unhappy,’ the German poet Heinrich Heine have said.
I don’t know if it is true, but in each case, springs from the passion not of everything that our partner is not. The passion comes from our own innate smallness – of our ringhed, our own shortcomings, our own longing for greatness.
Therefore, perhaps it is an old truth that every fourth dane (or human?) is unfaithful. It is just new, that we talk so much about it.
Marie Høgh parish priest and commentator
F. 1985. The vicar, debater, and folketingskandidat for Conservatives. Graduated from The Faculty of Theology in 2013. The church in Lynge-Uggeløse. I write about faith and existence. About christianity, love, values and a lack of the same. To be human in society and the world in the year 2019. And the most important thing in the big little life, with all that life is.
