Love After Loss: A Story of Unexpected Happiness
In 2022, at the age of 74, I shared my L.A. Affairs essay detailing the beautiful relationship I had with Ruben. Our love led us to marriage in Mexico in 2019, marking my first venture into matrimony. However, tragedy struck in November 2021 when COVID-19 and pneumonia claimed Ruben’s life, leaving me widowed at 76.
As someone who thrives in a relationship, the void left by Ruben’s passing was palpable. Despite my yearning for companionship, my attempts to connect with potential suitors seemed futile, overshadowed by my age and HIV status. With the prospect of a solitary existence looming large, I was resigned to a future devoid of romantic love.
However, fate had other plans in store for me. A serendipitous encounter at UCLA’s Fowler Museum on March 25, 2023, would change the course of my life. Attending the opening of Myrlande Constant’s art show, I struck up a conversation with a woman named Lori while waiting for a pre-opening lecture. Little did I know that this chance meeting would blossom into a profound connection.
Unexpected Connections
Lori, a divorced mother with two children, and I found ourselves engrossed in conversation as we explored the museum together. Our shared appreciation for art served as a foundation for a burgeoning friendship that soon evolved into something more. Despite the initial hesitations stemming from my HIV status, Lori’s open-mindedness and understanding paved the way for a deepening bond between us.
As we navigated the complexities of our relationship, we coined the term “apartners” to define our commitment while maintaining separate living spaces. This arrangement allowed us to cherish our time together while honoring our individual routines. From theater outings to family gatherings, each moment spent with Lori felt like a celebration of our newfound companionship.
A Journey of Love and Discovery
Embracing this unexpected chapter in my life, I reflected on the evolution of my identity and relationships over the years. From my early days as a gay man in the 1970s to my present reality as a queer individual in a loving partnership with Lori, the fluidity of love transcended gender boundaries. Our shared values and mutual respect formed the bedrock of our connection, steering us through life’s twists and turns with unwavering devotion.
As we approach our two-year anniversary, Lori and I stand united in our shared journey of love and discovery. Through moments of joy and challenges, we have forged a bond that defies societal norms and embraces the beauty of human connection. Our story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of love in all its forms.
In closing, I extend my heartfelt gratitude to Myrlande Constant, whose art exhibition served as the catalyst for Lori and me to find each other amidst life’s unpredictable tapestry. As we embark on the next chapter of our lives together, I am reminded of the boundless possibilities that love can bring, transcending barriers and uniting souls in a tapestry of shared experiences and cherished memories. And so, our journey continues, fueled by the enduring power of love and the promise of a future intertwined with hope and happiness.
