During my studies, I dedicated my literary journalism report to the taboo of abortion among university students. I underline taboo because the majority did not want to talk about it and because it was impossible to find figures for the girls who aborted annually in Catalonia and Spain. I made such a low estimate that I got an eight for lack of rigor. It was 1999, it was not long before Annie Ernaux published The Event. In Barcelona, ​​abortion was no longer penalized, as it was in France in the sixties. But it was not easy either: abortion has been, is and will be one of the hardest decisions a woman must make.

Any unwanted pregnancy is a drama for her. More or less tragic, better or worse managed, with one result or another, it always shakes those who experience it. And despite the support she receives from her, she will feel alone at the moment. The girls I interviewed were well informed about birth control methods. But boyfriends who told them that love is shown without prophylaxis, the passionate post-adolescent high, the modesty of asking the other to wear a condom or non-consensual relationships had put them in a situation they were unaware of: either because they were not aware or because, even if they were, they would be unable to understand what it feels like.

Guilt, mostly. Shame. Distress. Fear. Anger at who has caused the situation (the other, and also oneself). Hatred for one’s own body. Incomprehension. Bewilderment. Films like Eliza Hittman’s Never Rarely Sometimes Always describe the uneasiness of a suffocating trance. I have known several women who have had abortions, for various reasons. Not a single one has referred to it frivolously, or as a form of activism, or with pride. Not sorry either. Because, hard, his was a thoughtful and conscious decision. And they were lucky to live in a country that protects their right to make that decision.

Now there are those who intend to debate this right, as a result of its lack of protection in the United States after half a century. And they do so with arguments that what they really question is the ability of women to decide. In addition to underlining the little respect that we have, it makes many doubt themselves. That is why talking about abortion – real, not as an ideological weapon – is still a taboo.