When your love life could use a little more excitement, sex toys can help increase desire. But which sex toy is suitable for beginners? Sexologist and psychotherapist Dania Schiftan also explains to stern what you should consider when using such aids – both as a couple and alone.
The majority of women are more likely to climax when the clitoris is stimulated specifically. Penetration, on the other hand, is often less effective. So if you want to try out sex toys for the first time, a lay-on vibrator could be the right tool. However, the vibration should not be too strong. In addition, the vibrator shouldn’t have too many functions, so it’s better not to be able to vibrate and suck at the same time, that could be too much at the beginning. Some women report that such intensive aids take a lot of getting used to at first. Therefore, start gently and increase the intensity if necessary. Lay-on vibrators can be used alone or as an aid to lovemaking between couples. It is always important to know that it is only one of many ways to play and that there should be variety.
Massagers that can be used for the clitoris, breasts, testicles, but also the entire body are great sex toys for beginners. Couples in particular can use it to stimulate each other, but can also use it for masturbation. Here too, it’s best to approach it gently and see what your partner likes. The great thing about a massager like this is that the entire body is massaged and touched. This can make for particularly intense experiences. But here too: Such toys are one of many options and should be used in good doses.
A love swing can also be an exciting addition to a couple’s love life. It brings movement into lovemaking and opens up possibilities for new positions, so you definitely bring variety and fun into the bedroom. To start with, it’s worth getting a swing that you can attach to the door frame and that doesn’t have so many straps. If you like the aid, you can purchase a more luxurious, advanced model. And you need a sense of humor, because things can go wrong in the beginning with experiments like this. So you should be able to laugh together – but even that can bring a breath of fresh air in the bedroom.
Since “Fifty Shades of Grey” at the latest, more couples have been trying out restraints, whips, etc. Because mild pain and BDSM can provide an increased sense of pleasure. It’s best to use some simple tools to try out what you might like and whether you would rather slip into the more dominant or subordinate role. But, especially at the beginning, precise agreements and trust in each other are needed. You should be well informed about what you should use and how. It is also helpful to have a “safe word” that signals that you do not want to go any further or that you want to come to the end immediately.
For men looking for a sex toy for themselves, the Tenga Egg may be the right choice to start with. The Tenga Egg is easy to use: Inside the egg there is a pack of lubricant that can be applied to the opening of the egg and the penis. You then insert this into the opening and move it up and down. Ribs and nubs and other extras that the eggs offer make for extra fun. If you imagine a vagina or an anus, the whole thing can be even more pleasurable.
What beginners should keep in mind when using sex toys: don’t want too much. If you haven’t had any contact with it before, you should approach it slowly to find out what you like. It shouldn’t be too intense at the beginning, because a lot of it is a matter of getting used to.
Tip: From most providers you can also order sex toys discreetly, so that you cannot tell from the packaging what is inside. So if you’re just trying it out and don’t necessarily want to be open about the topic, this is the best way to handle the order.
Is there anything else to consider when using sex toys for beginners? In general, sexologist Dania Schiftan thinks it’s “always good when there’s variety.” The use of sex toys can definitely enrich your love life. “Sex toys have the word ‘play’ in them and that’s always fun, funny and exciting. So it’s a good thing.” But Schiftan also explains: “Sex toys shouldn’t always be there. It’s important to check how you can tolerate it when everything is ‘normal’. Is there still sexual tension in the relationship if no aids are used?” Otherwise you rely too much on aids and it becomes even more difficult to have intense climaxes without them. The sexologist also explains how you can learn to orgasm in her book “Coming Soon”.
The expert continues: “I always have the rule: once with a toy like this and twice without it, so that you can stimulate yourself with the tongue, fingers, penis and other body parts and not neglect the physical, interpersonal and emotional aspects.” Dania Schiftan thinks that you should also pay attention to this when using sex toys alone, so that you don’t just focus on and rely on them. “Otherwise it will be more difficult to reach orgasm the ‘normal’ way.” So you can also become “lazier” and make things more difficult for a potential partner. But if you use sex toys in good doses, they can definitely enrich your love life.
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