It’s the same thing with sex. While it’s a lot of fun at best, it also comes with a big catch in heterosexual relationships – the possibility of unwanted pregnancy. At least if the man ejaculates thoughtlessly, says Gabrielle Blair. The mother of six has written an entire book about sperm. And says: “Sperm should be considered a dangerous body fluid.”
A smart, enlightened man knows how to use contraception, do you think? Unfortunately not. But neither do women. In “Ejaculate Responsibly: 28 Reasons Why Contraception Must Become a Man’s Issue,” Blair shows how little thought society still has when it comes to the issue of contraception. She points out that the social consensus continues to be that women bear the brunt when it comes to contraception. They are the ones who can become pregnant, so they are the ones who have to protect themselves.
Men are more than 50 times more fertile than women. They produce sperm constantly, but women only produce one egg per cycle. Men can theoretically fertilize with every ejaculation, but women can only be fertilized for about 24 hours a month. Nevertheless, the party that, from a purely objective point of view, contributes the least biologically to fertilization is expected to assume most, if not all, of the responsibility for proper contraception. Complete madness, says Blair.
For generations, women naturally took the pill, used contraceptive rings or had the IUD inserted and not only paid a lot for it, they also put up with nasty side effects. There are usually condoms in the bedside table. In short, they do everything they can to ensure that sperm are repelled. However, there is no pill for men (yet) and other contraceptives for the male part of the species are few and far between. Rare, but they exist. The best example: the condom.
However, the condom, as one of two very effective contraceptives for men that is not only easy to obtain but also easy to use, is still demonized by many as a hindrance to fun. The argument: Sex feels less good with a condom. Many men therefore only use condoms when absolutely necessary and stop using them as soon as it is clear that the woman uses other forms of contraception. Blair believes that the fact that the story of the man as a condom pusher is simply accepted and even supported and continued is a mistake. Instead of seeing the condom as a nuisance, it should be seen as a kind of seat belt.
She argues that with a little experimentation, every man can find a condom that works well for himself, so that in combination with the right lubricant, the loss of desire is reduced to a minimum. Based on this, she asks: Is it really appropriate for a woman to sometimes accept severe health restrictions just so that the man doesn’t have to make even the smallest compromises in his pleasure? The list of side effects that can occur with hormonal contraceptives for women is known to be long. These include acne, depression, thrombosis, heart attacks, increased appetite and strokes.
The fact that women have the opportunity to use contraceptives is a real emancipatory achievement. She is no longer solely dependent on daring ovulation calculations and the man’s good will if she wants to have sex for sex’s sake and doesn’t want to risk pregnancy. This means she has her family planning in her own hands. But does that release men from taking responsibility for their sperm? Blair doesn’t think so. She says it’s not too much to ask that men stop mindlessly “placing” their sperm into their sexual partner’s vagina.
Instead, the patriarchal mechanism still takes effect when it comes to contraception: “Women’s suffering is acceptable as long as it makes life easier for men.” She speaks out vehemently in favor of vasectomies and explains why, although it initially sounds radical, it is a nonsense compared to what is expected of women. The procedure is cheap, uncomplicated and quick. It can also be reversed and is in no way comparable to female sterilization. The vasectomy also has no effect on libido, ejaculation or performance itself. According to Blair, anyone who is afraid that the refertilization will not be successful should have the seeds frozen in advance.
Is this all going too far? On the contrary, Blair says and demands: “If women are expected to use their contraceptive method correctly, the same can be expected of men.”
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